Fireproof or Foolhardy?

fighting-couple1It is amazing to me, how some people are so devoted to a piece of paper more so than each other.

I mean there are people in this world who live together in a legitimate marriage union who absolutely cannot get along with one another and have no common bonds, much less love each other. These people have long been psychologically divorced for years and because of their obligation to a “church” and its position on divorce, they feel they have no other alternative than to live together.

Everyday for them is a day in hell when they are together.

Now I realize that there are some who have resigned themselves to the fact that they might as well make the best of it and live together amicably. They both understand that it is better to get along rather than fight all the time. I mean it’s not just in the pews of our churches but it’s in the pulpit as well. There are pastors who boast of marriages of 30 or more years and they say it with arrogance. However, the truth is that there are some of these marriages that have not been enjoyed for the sake of the couple, but have been endured for the sake of the church. Sad, isn’t it?

I don’t believe for one moment that this is the kind of marriage that God intended for mankind. You cannot convince me, that because of our wrong choices in mate choosing, that it is our lot in life to live with our mistake for the rest of our lives.

Now, let me be clear, marriage is not to be a trial and error arrangement. Multiple marriage victims need to research why they keep choosing the wrong mate. My heart goes out to those who, time after time, fail to find pleasure and happiness with a mate that they thought would be the “right one.”

I give credit to the movie “Fireproof” for the good it is struggling to do in keeping couples together in marriage. However, we as the church created the problem and now we’re trying to get these unhappy couples to “keep it together” to help the church save face. According to Barna research, born again Evangelicals have the same divorce rate as non-Christians. Let’s face it, we’re not getting the job done in teaching proper relationships in marriage.

What is the solution?

We have to begin teaching the proper manner to children to search for a mate at an early age. The church has got to develop better classes for parents to teach their children about life long commitments and how to choose them wisely with God’s help. Schools have got to do a better job in teaching what real relationships mean. Sex education has become the cure all to end all problems in the school system, but that’s only part of the problem.

We’ve got to get to the root and quit dealing with the fruit.

We need better schools that teach values and ideas that are meant for all people; not just Christian schools that isolate and build walls between the good and the bad.

We’ve got to do better than fireproof our marriages; we’ve got to teach how to not marry an arsonist.

That’s what I think about it.



One response to “Fireproof or Foolhardy?

  1. Amen! It is not enough to merely keep marriages together! We need to teach people how to have marriages of excellence, something to treasure and adore. That is, after all, what we promise in our vows!

    Thank you for your direct and accurate comments.

    Rev. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
    author of Save Your Christian Marriage

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